Thursday, May 2, 2013

On the edge.


It's hard to feel beautiful
when someone keeps pointing out your flaws.
It's hard to feel accepted
when someone says that all you do is wrong. 
It's hard to feel worthy
 when you're never good enough.
It's hard to feel happy
when someone constantly puts you down.
It's hard not to feel misunderstood
when no one ever tries to see through the walls.
It's hard not to feel useless
when with one word all your efforts go to waste.
It's hard to enjoy life
when you're slowly dying inside.


It's been a difficult week.
Hurtful things were said.
Multiple lines were crossed.
I tried. But I have my limits, too.
(Haven't spoken to my father in two days.)
Desperately looking for a job so I can move out and live my life.
Maybe I'm just being the drama queen they used to call me when I was younger.
The truth is that I can't take this any more.


The good thing is I found the tears I had officially declared lost a while ago.
I discovered that I can still feel. Sadness, misery, failure, disappointment.
I'm telling myself all of this is better than nothing. But.. is it really?



  1. Right there with you darling <3
    If I ever feel anything it's always something negative, and that gets wearisome.
    Try and allow yourself some goodness, you definitely deserve it. Things will get better, keep your head up ok.
    Take care, lots of love xx

  2. Maybe the stars are aligning in just the right way because I have had a miserable past two weeks that I just can't seem to overcome no matter what I do.

    You are an inspirational, beautiful, and intelligent woman (the best kind of human!) who can overcome anything that comes in your path. I'm sorry hurtful things were said and possibly done. That is always the worst because some times we don't need help feeling bad because we truly are dying a little inside and people can't see that.

    I'm not sure if you're feeling the exams week. This whole week I have been stressing out to the max because I have so many things to do and not enough time or energy to do them. Further, the people closest in my life aren't always able to be there for me. I know it isn't their job to be there for me; but for once I would love for things to go right.

    Yesterday I drank Scottish whiskey, only two shots; but that broke my two month no drinking streak. I just broke down, made an awful painting and cried.

    I do hope you are doing better in this week and things start looking up and if they don't I know you can still kick some ass and show the world who's boss!

  3. Everyone has a limit. A point where they officially cannot take any more shit.

    Drama queens don't go "Fuck this shit" and look for the exit, they stay and create a bigger fracas.

    I do not think you're a drama queen.

    *Hugs you and hand syou tissues* love you

  4. parents fucking suck for one
    i hate them
    sometimes, baby, you can't take this. and to be honest, nobody asks to be unhappy. it just happens. nobody wants to be unhappy. it just happens.
    its hard for me to figure that out
    i have the same situation. sometimes i feel so numb that any feeling would be appreciated even if its just a load of despair. sometimes the sadness is a weight that crushes me. sometimes crying makes me want to choke, or sometimes crying just releives a lot for me.
    its confusing.
    and the thing is - i've realised this a long time ago - the more i try to decipher it, the harder it becomes. its confusing and it sucks ass.
    -Sam Lupin